I've decided that being a grown up is not all it's cracked up to be when you think you want to be one when you're a kid. When you're younger you dream of having a house, a baby or 2, a husband, your own car... all these wonderful symbols of "freedom". These things however, are not sources of "freedom". I mean, they're great- don't get me wrong. But freedom is not what I think of when I think of our mortgage payment, our car note, etc. These things are binding... that my friends, is not the definition of freedom.

Another part of growing up is the body getting older. And all the people that were youngish to you growing up getting older and older too. Like our parents. Our older brothers and sisters, or even younger siblings... them too! It's so weird to think that I as the youngest, will be 31 soon and my oldest sister is in her mid 40's! When did THAT happen! Right now on my side of the family we're all a mess. Well, mostly my parents and 3 oldest siblings. We've got anything from a recent car accident with broken ribs and a fractured arm (no other harm though thank goodness), to oxygen to kidney problems to paralyzed stomach to CFS... it's scary! And it's frustrating! There never seems to be a good answer for what is wrong. That's a whole other blog post for another time, or maybe never. Anyway, it's so hard for me to be so far away from them. I wish I could help, and want to- but feel SO helpless this far away. Prayers are the best far away remedy or show of love that I can think of. Other suggestions are welcomed. Maybe I should do some sort of Care Package or something...but shhh, don't tell them. Anyway, thank goodness for wellness week at work and a free massage yesterday. Too bad it was only 10 mins and not like 5 hours. Like my mom always says "I'll give you 2 hours to stop". That's my part of feeling old. My bones and joints don't move like they used to. I have a pinch in my shoulder blade that makes my right arm numb from being on a stupid computer all day long... but man I am so grateful to be alive and relatively healthy. I really want to stay that way. I just need to get more motivated to exercise and continue to try and eat right. But man, I love me some food. I mean, it's very obvious by the way I look (yes, I know I'm fluffy). In fact, I love it so much that (HERE'S A GIANT PLUG) me and Ashley are in the midst of creating a "foodie" blog where we will post recipes and other crafty creations. I will let you all know when it is up and running. Maybe something fun will come of it.

Anyway... focus Heather, focus. (another part of getting older... ) My point is kids... even with all this sometimes not-so-fun growing up to do, there is SO much fun that comes along with it too. I love that I get to see two of the best smiles in the world everyday from my boys. I love that we get to have the coolest little guy as our kid- and realize that even though at times it's the HARDEST thing EVER in the world it is such an honor and blessing too. I feel blessed we even have a house, I know that a lot of people would be envious of that. I am SOOOOOO grateful for my little CRV, because I love it. I love my car. I love the way it looks and how we feel as a family in it. SO much better than that nasty Neon I formerly drove... ugh... I am SO glad we were able to find someone who needed it. Not a kid friendly car (but so many fun memories!). I'm also very grateful for the fact that the older I get the more I realize who the important people are in our life and who we need and what kinds of people or things we could do with out. The older I get the less acquaintances I have, but the more BEST friends I have acquired. The ones I know that will be around for a LONG time are still with me after years and years and I appreciate that. They are no longer acquaintances, they are FRIENDS that really care what's going on.
I've thought a lot about what's happened in the last 13 years (YIKES!) since I graduated high school and how much changing I've done. I even listen to the same music I have this whole time differently. Lyrics to songs have a whole new meaning to me now then they did back when... but there are things that have stayed the same too. And really, I don't know about you all but I would've never pictured myself where I am in my life and what it's like to be what I thought would be like when I was a kid. (did that make sense?) It's not bad, it's just... life. One thing though I've realized, is that I need to lighten up a little. Have more fun. Laugh more. I used to all the time, and now that there is SO much more stress in my life I forget to. There is so much to be happy about and laugh at, even myself... no wait, MOSTLY myself. So remember that Heather, BE HAPPY. LAUGH. SMILE!

"I guess when it comes down to it Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up These are the best days of our lives The only thing that matters is just following your heart And eventually you'll finally get it right."- The Ataris