So today marks 6 months since my big sister Shauna passed. I sure have missed her. I have lots of really neat dreams though where I've gotten to hug her and tell her I miss and love her and either it's just my way of coping or her way of coming to comfort me. I'd like to hope it's the later. I have a lot of thoughts about it... I'm not sure how to write them out though. It's still terribly hard. I still cry a lot. I still think about her everyday, and how I could've been a better sister and friend to her. I wonder what it's like where she is, and if she feels loved. I wonder if she watches our family and watches over us and knows how much we feel a vacancy with out her here with us on this Earth. It's so weird to send emails with pictures of Ben to everyone, except for Shauna. I can't delete her phone number out of my phone or her address out of my address book... it's too hard. Every once in a while, Facebook shows her profile as someone I am recommended to reach out to... man, if I could I WOULD! I really miss hearing her call me her "Little One". I miss how she used to laugh and get tickled when I sang to her "I'm gonna beat you up, beat you up, beat YOU UUUUUPPPP-ah!" She loved that. I have little torn up pink sticky notes in my blue recipe book she went through once to choose some recipes that I refuse to take out. I have her funeral program in two places in my house and a photo of the two of us I gave her that her partner Randi gave back to me in the family room. I just miss her, period. And it sucks she's gone. Randi sent me a package of letters and pictures I sent to Shauna over the years that she saved. She saved EVERYTHING. I haven't even been able to bring my self to look at them yet. I had Ryan put them away for me until I can muster up the strength to do it with out crying my eyes out.Reminder to myself... PLEASE, PLEASE don't take your family for granted. Tell them you love them, often. Be their friend. Know what is going on in their lives. Be kind. Be understanding and Christ-like and non-judgemental. You never know when Heavenly Father will decide to bring them back to be with him and leave you with their memory. Make the best of the time you have with them NOW.
2 comments:
I'm glad you wrote this. I have done a lot of what you are doing...Grieving is never easy.
I still cry all of the time over a brother that died in 1995! I still have my grandma's phone number in my phone and I transfer it from phone to phone when I upgrade; She has been gone 5 years.
It helps to write it down. I'm sorry you're missing someone you care about...(digital hug) it is so hard living with a hole in your family. But you are right. Treat your family like your friends...They are all you have.
You are so amazing. I can't believe the strength you have sometimes. That was a very sweet tribute to your sister.
love you!
Post a Comment