Wednesday, October 22, 2008


  • Am I the only one that gets bothered when people talk politics at work?

  • I need to start playing the Lotto... no really. :)

  • Why is it, when I'm in the bathroom with a total of 5 stalls, someone HAS to come and sit in the one next to me when there are two that aren't?

  • Ben is a daddy's boy. End of story.

  • Ally, our dog, makes me crazy. End of story.

  • My hands are cold right now. No, wait- all of me is cold.

  • Ben has a cold and is getting a tooth or two. Poor kid. Luckily he's sleeping through the night still, for now.

  • I miss my car right now. Just right now.

  • I need a good, like REALLY good fall recipe. Got any?

  • We were supposed to go camping this weekend and now we can't. Reason #1: it's going to rain. Reason #2: Ben is sick. Reason #3: the low is going to be like 49. NO THANKS! I'm pretty sad though, I wanted to go really bad. But we're going to have some people over for fun times anyway.

  • I think, it's quite possible that I have a lot on my mind. End of story.

  • I am grateful for such good people that I am surrounded by. I am grateful for each of their strengths in their individual trials. I have GREAT friends. Meaning, they are GREAT people and spirits.

  • I've said this before, I'll say it again: speaker phone bothers me. Not if you REALLY can't use your hands I guess... I mean, I say maybe it's not a good time to be on the phone if you can't hold it or if you're making the world listen to your convo. Point in case, lady across the walkway (all of like 6 feet away from me) likes to have her office door open during her conference calls, on speaker.

  • I feel like I'm getting to be an old decrepit lady. My knee is aching, my hip, my shoulder... I feel so rickety.
  • I'm counting down the minutes until Ryan gets here... we carpooled together again. Hence me missing the car.

BOO!


If you're looking for some good Halloween ideas or treats, check this out- I just found it on allrecipes.com, which I love anyway! Click on the pictures in the screen; the haunted house, the pumpkins, the spider webs... too cute!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Wow.

We had a poop-fest this morning. But it's not as glamorous as I've just made it out to be. I know, who am I kidding- poop hyphenated with "fest"? Come on Heather. It was more of an incident than a fest. Okay, it was just gross. Scenario: 6:45am this morning. I had just changed Ben's overnight diaper knowing that he would sooner than later have a #2. SO, I didn't put any clothes on or anything knowing this. Just left him in his diaper. Stupid move #1 by Heather, I put him in his Exersaucer like this. I proceeded to get mostly dressed for the day... and do other things while he is playing and Ryan is getting stuff ready for us to go. I looked at Ben and asked "did you poop yet?" (as if he can answer me...) and he just looked at me and then I see that his toes and feet are smudging around in... yeah, you guessed it. (I kind of wish we got a picture!) So basically to spare you much detail, it took the both of us (mostly me while Ryan had to walk away gagging) to get him and the exersaucer cleaned up in time for us to get out the door still! "IT" was all over my clothes, bra... everywhere! It was a FIASCO to say the least!!! Keep in mind, this is the SECOND time in 2 weeks this has happened in his exer-pooper! Get it? Ha, ha. This time just seemed so much worse. Although, the first time wasn't so great either. Something about the content of the issue...
Ryan and I have been endearingly calling Ben "poop feet" all day today! I don't think we'll ever let him live this moment down... poor kid, already has a complex. Here he is minus the poop!

Our Weekend Review

Friday night we didn't do much. I think we just got home from work and cleaned and stuff. Saturday we set out pretty early and made our way to Ellijay, GA with Ashley, Jacob, Clint and Jey to the Apple Festival. WOW, what an adventure! With traffic and iPhones and Google Maps and cutting a boat off in the middle of the road, Winkle, camels, hot weather, again Google Maps... it was quite the day! We successfully made it to the Apple Festival and stayed for a tick then moved on out of Ellijay and to our favorite Pumpkin Patch. The leaves are in the early stages of changing and falling and so it was a beautiful ride! We scoped the area out and found a pumpkin for Ben and one for us. I got some squash so I can make some baby food for Ben. And took some pictures, of course! By the time we got there, the weather cooled off and it was really a beautiful evening. We didn't get home until 8:30pm. Our little guy was WORN out by then, but he was a trooper that's for sure! He does put up really well with us packing him around everywhere.

Sunday I went and taught my primary class. They are definitely a handful, but it's an adventure and I like watching them learn when they can sit still long enough to! I am just grateful to have a calling! We did our regular dinner with friends night on Sunday. Played a little Rock Band... it was fun. I got a lot of cleaning and laundry and dusting and painting and cooking and taking care of Ben stuff done too. All in all it was a good weekend, just worn out from it all!
Ben woke up at 4:20 am yesterday and cried. There are 2 teeth breaking through and it seems like he just didn't feel good because he just wanted to be held and cuddled with. I rocked him in the rocking chair for about 45 mins. That's really unlike my guy. I can usually just go in to his room and find him his binkie and blanket and then go back to bed and know he'll go to sleep. He didn't want that this morning. After I held him for a while I put him back down and he fought going back to sleep for quite a while... but then finally went to sleep around 5:30 all the while Ryan's alarm was going off... then he made me get up at like 6... and so needless to say I WAS TIRED YESTERDAY. I got a call from the daycare around 5pm and they said he'd woken up from his nap about a half hour earlier and hadn't stopped crying since. Which again, is really unlike Ben. So I went over and gave him some Tylenol and sure enough, I could even see the little whites of those guys... poor thing. He was doing that stutter breathing thing you did when you cried really hard as a kid. His little ears and eyes were red... you could tell he was in a lot of pain. Ryan met us there, and all Ben wanted was his daddy. He would not come to me and cried when I held him! He fell asleep in the car and I put him down in his crib when we got home and he slept until Ryan woke him up to feed him at like 7 and he was TICKED that we woke him, and slept through the whole bottle. I didn't even get to feed him any solid food! Then after holding and snuggling him for a little while we put him in his crib and he slept ALL night (for the exception of a few times waking up and then going right back to sleep) until 5:45 this morning. Anyway- the point of the story is I feel bad that he has to be uncomfortable. This could be a rocky road for the next little while during the time his little teethies come in.
My sister has made her safe return to the ATL today all the way from Luanda, Angola and most recently Ethiopia, and I'm SO relieved! In other news, I surprised Ryan with Weezer tickets for a couple weeks from now. Lucky for us we have such great friends that are willing to hang out with Ben while we go and do that! Earplugs here I come!
I had the most delicious cake today. I was going to save some of it for later, and couldn't.
The three of us have started to carpool with each other! It's fun to be with both of my boys for that much longer, save gas and I don't have to drive in the traffic! PLUS I get to work on time too!

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Pictures from the fair

update


Friday kind of marked a bittersweet day for me. My parents moved from Logan, UT after living there for 10 years! More than anything I wish I was there to help them, and to say goodbye to their strange little house. To say goodbye to Logan in general. I have had MANY of good memories there. I really haven't thought much about it because I'm so far away and sometimes things that don't go on right in front of me seem a little surreal. It just occurred to me how much I really am going to miss them living there!
  1. I will miss going "home" for Christmas. I guess this marks the point where going to my parents house isn't really home anymore. Which sounds silly I guess- kind of hard to explain. But my "home" now is with my boys, in my house, here in Georgia.

  2. I will miss getting my snow fix for the Holidays. I guess I can still get that when I go to Utah Valley to visit friends and family there.

  3. I will miss driving down cute little Main St. and see all the old and new shops mixed together and just the small town feel of it all.

  4. I will miss drives up to the canyon with Dad and looking for Moose and going to Tony Grove. I had one of the coolest moments alone fishing there, and got to hike with my daddy there before I left to come live here.

  5. Going to Bear Lake.

There's more... but yeah, it's pretty sad and exciting for them too. They needed to make a change and we all know this was the best one for them. At least we know that whenever we go to visit, it'll always be warm and they have a pool in the neighborhood- they moved to St. George! WOO HOO!

Another monumental occasion... look what our boy decided to be able to do yesterday!

This is today, he started with the elbows yesterday but has moved to the hands now! Just needs to get the knee action down! And the kid just doesn't even have time for sitting still, so he's still mastering his sitting up on his own skills! I LOVE HIM and yes, I am so proud of him! I can't believe how big he's getting!

AND... we're happy that DJ is coming back next week, yes it's early- but for circumstances unforeseen, we're sort of relieved!

Monday, October 6, 2008

Cow, Ben. Ben, Cow.


This is my favorite picture from this weekend's trip to the Fair! More to come!

Friday, September 26, 2008

So... what's going on?

I know. It's time for an update. There really isn't much that's been going on in OUR life, however a lot going on in our family's lives.
-have a family member that's been in the hospital with health problems which is never good.
-my parents have FINALLY sold their house in Logan, UT after having it up for sale for quite a long time and are waiting to hear about a house they put an offer on in St. George, UT.
-because of this, they have been under the gun to get their WHOLE house packed up, and THANK GOODNESS FOR SHAUNA! I wish more than anything we could be there to help. It's hard living so far away.
-my sister Delinda is in Luanda, Angola Africa and has already visited and spent time with our family in South Africa, both Johannesburg and Cape Town. I don't think she even KNOWS how envious most of us in the family are that she gets to repeatedly have that experience. I am so glad though that someone from the Collier family can make associations and relationships with them besides mom.
-our home front: Ryan has successfully installed the toilet- or as we refer to it, the twa-lette. :) Now what's left is the vanity, caulking, tub faucet, mirror and other accessories. I'm pretty dang proud of my guy for doing all of that on his own. It's been a trying experience, but I think for the rest of the time we're in that house he will always be proud of his work!
-Ben WANTS TO CRAWL. He doesn't have time for sitting up, but is doing better at it. They're practicing with him at school and we do a lot of practice at home too when we can. In fact today at lunch he was doing quite well on his own. It's possible he'll be breaking in some teeth soon too. He's getting so big so fast. He also is starting to give kisses, of course with his mouth wide open! He's a loving and happy little guy. We are so grateful for him!
-we are having (Aunt) Ashley and Jacob watch Ben tomorrow so we can go to the temple. It will be super nice.
-I posted for another position with in my company a couple days ago. It's time to change up the scenery a little and get some different work experience. I also am seeking for management who understands parenthood. So, hopefully, if it's Heavenly Father's will- it will go through. Let's keep our fingers crossed.
-Heather (me) is thoroughly enjoying the cooler weather, but not Ryan. I am super excited to be able to sleep with the window open at night, which we are convinced has made it extremely difficult to get up in the morning! I LOVE IT!
-we have LOTS of fun Fall-ish things planned for our future weekends. The State Fair, the Apple Festival, the Pumpkin Patch, possible camping trip, picnics, Ben's first Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas are right around the corner! This is me being excited!

Friday, September 19, 2008


This is me lately. I am so darn forgetful. I told Ryan this morning that lately it seems that it's requirement for me to forget at least ONE thing a day. The day before yesterday it was my purse. I left it at home, on the kitchen table. Today it was my deodorant (I've made a conscious effort to keep my arms down today!). Ben needed diapers on Monday, I had them in the back of the car... I didn't remember I had them in there until I got a lovely note on his chart asking for them and reminding me!!! Ever since I had Ben, and maybe even while I was pregnant with him, I have become SO forgetful! I used to be able to think of EVERYTHING- I was on top of it! Now... not so much! It's SO, no like SOOOOOO annoying! I feel so unorganized, even if I make myself organized. Make sense? Even if I plan things out- I'll still forget something. Maybe it's because there are just too many things and people to remember things for. Goodness, gracious. I was at the doc's office a couple weeks ago and I had Ben in his car seat on the floor while I was checking out. One of the nurses came over to distract/play/gaga at him so I could focus on the task at hand. After I was done- I started to fret because I couldn't find my keys.... I was looking everywhere... saying to myself "Where are my keys? Oh no, did mommy lose her keys?" (Yes, I'm referring to myself as Mommy to Ben now.) The nurse politely said to me while patting my shoulder "your memory WILL come back someday honey... it just might take a while". What a relief to hear! Mostly because I'm glad I'm not the only one! Oh well... I look forward to that one day.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Labor Day in Florida


Because it's easy and you don't have to look at a bunch of pictures you may or may not want to see, I am just doing ANOTHER mosaic of our trip to FL. We had a really good time with the Woodsons. It's so great to know we have a friendship with them that will last forever! On our trip we got to go to St. Augustine first, and had a wonderful time there. We got rained on, but it was a fun little adventure. Not 5 mins later it cleared up and we got back to being tourists. We went to the Castillo de San Marcos Monument, we walked up and down the "town strip" and stopped by for a quick picture at the light house. After we got to the Woodson's, we went to the beach a couple times (even though at one of the stops we made there really was no beach! The hurricanes made the water really rough and the tide really high). We went to the pool in their neighborhood a couple times and Ben LOVED it. He had a blast in his little crab floaty. Ryan & I got to go on a date to my favorite restaurant and did a little shopping. We had a lot of fun!!! It was so wonderful and relaxing and we just love it there. Ryan keeps saying he wants to move to FL someday so we can be close to the beach. We will see! I am really grateful that we are so close to the ocean living here in ATL... it's really not too far away. Speaking of far away, Ben did AWESOME on the way down. He slept most of the time. Now on the way back it was a little more of a struggle. Probably because it was daylight and we did the full 8 hour stretch (which turned into 10 hours with stops and eating). He wasn't completely awful though and he did sleep a lot. It was just annoying for him I think. Anyway- we look forward to going again next year!
  1. me and Ben at the monument (fort)
  2. the lighthouse
  3. Ryan and Ben with the beautiful ocean behind them, also at the fort.
  4. rainy leaf
  5. Ben's first trip to the beach
  6. toes in the sand
  7. daddy and Ben playing in the pool
  8. laying out at the beach
  9. cool fountain in St. Augustine
  10. Me, Ben and Jill
  11. Cute boys Seth and Ian
  12. Sleeping on the way home

Thursday, September 11, 2008

He likes to roll and I think he's thinking that he might want to crawl sometime soon.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The Halloween/Fall Candy Arrives...


All I have to say is YUM. Pumpkin Spice Hershey's Kisses people!!! It's like have a little mini piece of pumpkin cheesecake in your pocket!!! Well, don't put it in your pocket cuz it could melt and then things WILL get messy, then you'll get mad at the Pumpkin Spice Hershey Kisses and then you'll have a bitterness towards them and you need to love them as much as I do. So put them in a nice candy jar or bowl and have them as accessible as you see fit.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Sup?

We got Ben's 6 month pictures at Portrait Innovations this weekend. The pictures turned out pretty good- mostly because he's the cutest thing EVER... but I wasn't super impressed with our visit. We (Delinda and I) were late because I thought they were in the mall and it turns out they are NEAR the mall, not in it. So I called to let them know we were late and while on the phone asked if I needed to schedule for another time or if I could still come in. She said they weren't "that busy" and that we could still come. We got there around 12:15 and our appt was for 12. My first frustration was when on the phone with them I asked the girl where they were and she just kept saying we're here by Ross or by Target. This is how our conversation went:

Me: "so those are RIGHT next door to you?"
Her: "well they're down the street"
Me: "Can you tell me what's right next to you?"
Her: "well, we're near Panera and Carter's"
Me: "okay, so Carter's is right next to you?"
Her: "No... it's close to us though."
Seriously- she could NOT just tell me what store was exactly right next to her store and was getting annoyed with me because I kept asking. Anyway- luckily we found it. And when we got there we waited and waited and finally at about 1pm I decided to just leave, and right then someone came to get us. It wasn't just the wait that made me want to leave, the people were SO rude! They were rude when I asked if there was a time frame of how long it was going to be. Also, Delinda was sitting next to me on the couch and one of the workers said something to me about how much longer it was going to be, then as I was talking to Delinda asked if her she had an appt. I said "she's with me" and I guess the girl didn't hear me (and obviously didn't pick up that we were sitting next to each other talking) and asked Delinda AGAIN and I said "She's with me..." and kind of gave her a look. Her response was "okay! I was just wondering!" and walked off all put out. Um, okay...? Anyway- the photographer was new and she did a pretty good job. The lighting was a little crazy- but the pictures turned out fine. Luckily Ben was AWESOME and obviously smiled lots. But by the time we were done, he was hot (it was warm in there) and hungry. We waited for the pictures to be uploaded and the photographer told us it would just be like 15 minutes. Well, 15 mins had come and gone and she was just sitting at the front while we were sitting next to the computer that had our pictures up wondering why we weren't looking at them yet. By this time it was around 2, and so I asked her if we could look at them and she looked at me (again put out- and this was a different girl than the first) and said "my manager has to go through them with me". Hmmm. WHY? So finally we start looking at the photos, and the manager comes over to "help". He's not letting the new girl do her thing at all, kept picking different pictures for us to look at then she picked- really kind of being rude to her and making her looking bad. He's also telling me the different package options and not making ANY sense about it at all, and then again acting put out that I don't understand. SO, anyway- the moral of the story is, I'll never take Ben or any of my other kids there to get pictures again. Luckily the pictures did turn out well... but you're probably asking why didn't I do them? Well, I wanted pictures in a studio, and I don't have a studio or good enough lighting yet. SO I'll have to figure that part out for future photos. Anyway- hopefully other people wont have a bad experience with them- but for the one over here at Perimeter, I wouldn't suggest it.
Ryan took Ben to his 6 month check up and he's doing really good! He's still in the 25% for both weight and height, but between the two he's proportionate. That's what he gets for being born to not-so-tall parents! He's trying to sit up these days, I bet with in a week or two he will be. He's also rolling ALL over the place and his new favorite thing is to be on his tummy. He only rolls on his left side though... makes me wonder if he's going to be a lefty! No teeth, YET. And he's just a good kid. We've had two almost 12 hour nights of him sleeping. Although a couple of times during those two nights I've found him either somehow sleeping on his tummy or sideways in the crib. He's a cutie pie.
Okay. That's all. OH WAIT! Ryan is like 2 or 3 tiles away from being done with the tub!!! He rocks. Well, okay technically he still needs to seal them, then grout and then seal them again. But they're all up! He's amazing, that man of mine. Delinda leaves for Africa (Johannesburg, Angola and Ethiopia) this weekend for 3 months. We will miss her TONS.
Okay, NOW that's all. We're boring. :)

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Finally! Our Utah Trip!

I, like my friend Jessica, am a big fan of One True Media. Here is our slide show of our trip to Utah, FINALLY! Sorry, it's kind of on the long side.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Can you believe it?


Happy 6 Month Birthday little man! (Yah- I know it's not the best picture of him in the world... but it was taken today- and that's what really counts!)

Friday, August 29, 2008

A song called Bubbly?

Wow. There are some really dumb songs that have been playing on the radio station of my choice lately. I'm not so impressed. I'm sorry if you like any of songs/artists I'm referring to. I just find them so "blah"... She (click on She) bugs me, BOTH songs that are popular I think are horrible- seems like all she can put in her lyrics is the word "Love" repeated over and over again. (I'm a big fan of love and loving though I promise.) The Bubbly song... from this chick... horrible- the tune, the lyrics, even the way she sings... (Lyrics: V1: I've been awake for a while now you've got me feelin like a child now cause every time I see your bubbly faceI get the tinglies in a silly place C: It starts in my toes and I crinkle my nose where ever it goes I always know that you make me smile please stay for a while now just take your time where ever you go... OKAY SERIOUSLY?) I listen to the radio only at work and there are just some songs that I'm like "Really? You're playing this?". Oh and that Duffy song too- ew, it bugs me so bad!! (Again, sorry if I am offending.) And I really like R.E.M., but their latest album- not so much for me. What's going on? I believe there are good and bad phases in music. I guess that's true for all time huh? Because those songs suck, but on the other hand I give the Coldplay album props, and the Death Cab for Cutie album is really good- both their newest ones. The Jack Johnson album I haven't given enough time to- but the songs I've heard, I like. Just with every other artist though, they all do sound an awful lot a like. But that's okay- I like that sound and it settles well with me. I'm crossing my fingers that I get tickets to the Coldplay concert (which they had to set up another here in Atlanta because the first one was sold out and there was such high demand!). My work has box seats at Philips Arena and you can sign up to get tickets to events, sort of like a drawing. So, here's to hoping. Purchasing them was just TOO much for us right now. Boo.

Anyway- that's my music rant for this morning. We're headed off to Florida this weekend to go see our friends The Woodsons!!! We're SO ready for a little get away. It'll be Ben's first trip to the beach and LONG car ride, hopefully he'll do well. I think and hope that he'll sleep most of the way down. We're leaving tonight after work and going to stay the night in St. Augustine which is about a 6 hour drive and so I think he'll probably sleep most of the way-especially if we feed him and give him a bath and get him in his jammies! AND I think he'll be pretty cool about the beach too. Then tomorrow we're meeting up with The W's and going to a water park in Daytona Beach and maybe the beach too? We'll see how Ben is doing by then. Then we'll head to their house near Cocoa Beach and have lots and lots of fun! We'll take lots of pictures- but at this point whether or not we'll get them posted is another story! I still haven't done my UT slide show yet! I guess I better get on that huh?


Have a good weekend y'all! Be safe! Relax and enjoy!

Monday, August 25, 2008

World's Longest Curly Fry

It's there on the right.
I think Ryan is the winner of eating The World's Longest Curly Fry.

Finally

So, we've been in our ward going on almost a 1 year and 1/2 now. I just BARELY got a calling. I've even been asking (yes, asking) for a calling and JUST got one. Guess what it is? Primary. I've never done Primary. I'm a little nervous, but pretty excited too. I think it'll help me be a better mommy for teaching Ben more about Jesus and being a good little person and everything. I'm not sure what class it'll be yet- but we're pretty sure it's going to be CTR 5. My visiting teacher's son is in that class, with 2 other little boys. So it should be interesting! PLEASE give me good ideas... like macaroni necklaces, cut outs and coloring, etc.... ANYTHING! Ryan also got a calling and got called to be a Ward Missionary. He's a little nervous/anxious about it. But I think he'll do great. I think the Lord has wonderful things in store for him. He just doesn't know it yet.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

J.J. Strikes Again

Delinda watched Ben and we went with the newly engaged Ashley and Jacob to the Jack Johnson concert last week. It was sold out and we even had lawn seats. Talk about jam packed and not a lot of personal space! It seemed no matter where we sat or stood, people would have to walk over us or our stuff or between us on our blankets... it was crazy to me. The last few pictures are of us doing shake face... don't worry, there was no alcohol involved. Just good ol' fun. And then Ben in his souvenir concert "t-shirt"... PRICEY concert t-shirt. But of course, all of our kids WILL wear it at some point. :) It was fun. I LOVE going to concerts! I'm glad we have people willing to hang with the kid so we can still do that and go out and have grown up fun.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

This blog entry is not meant to complain. I've just been contemplating a lot of things. There are things in life that happen that just don't seem to be "fair". I think you know what I mean. For example, my parents are good and righteous people. They have a lot of faith in the Lord and have worked their hinneys (sp?) off for so long that I feel they deserve a break. They are trying to sell their house and move on to better things, and also to be closer to family by moving closer to one of my brothers in St. George, UT. They moved in to an older home about 8-9 years ago so that they could take care of my dad's mom who had Alzheimer's she passed about 5-6 years ago. But because it's an older home- it's been difficult to sell. They've had 2 offers fall through and are really getting a little down and out. As well as the rest of us. You start to question things like are they meant to move? Is there someone out there better suited for the home then the last 2 people were? Things like that. It doesn't seem like a big deal and maybe one or many of your have been through the same experience of not being able to sell your home. This is just the tip of the iceberg for my parents though- they really have been through A LOT the last few years. It seems to that they just deserve a break from it all.
Another example: my best friend's mom is going through some health issues. It just happened too. She's been healthy otherwise and now all of a sudden things have switched into high gear and surgeries are happening and MRI's and all sorts of not fun things. She is terrified of losing her mom. I am too. But because it's happening to her, it's all of a sudden VERY real. But why now? Why at all? Is this trial for her mom? Or for her dad, or for their kids?
The thing is, I know all of this is "for our good". To "test our faith"... or something. I know all of that. I believe all of that. I really do. BUT I do think it's okay to feel that it sucks in the meantime. I don't know why my parents have to constantly struggle and it makes me sad. I wish I seriously had a magic wand that could make it all go away for them. They've been through enough. Anyway- I guess my point is that I'm not afraid to say that it sucks to go through trials anymore. It's okay to have a poopy attitude about it, not to the point where it drags you down but it's okay to be sad or even mad for that matter. We truly cannot know happiness until we know sorrow. I know through it all too that Heavenly Father loves us. He knows what the reason is, and I guess in the long run it's all that matters. Hopefully someday we'll either realize why or He'll get to tell us. I do know that he will never give us more than He knows we can handle- even if it feels like we want to give up during it all and can't move we're crying so much, etc. Keep praying. PRAY HARD. I know I will be.