Cute Benny

Ben is saying lots of sentences now. Let's see if we can remember some of them."I don't want it."
"I see you Mommy."
"Here you go."
"Get down Ally."
"Open the door."
"Hi Ally-bear"
"Thank you Mommy (or Daddy)"
"Where did it/he go?"
"I want my sandals"
"Get the mail"
"Mommy, watch this!"
Me: "where's daddy?" Ben "back there" pointing to the back bedroom.


He sings 3 songs a lot now too; Twinkle Twinkle Little Star (with emphasis on the ends of the different lines and especially loves singing it with his Daddy), Happy Birthday (to Ben, sometimes mommy or daddy), and ABC song. And I just discovered today he knows the "No More Monkey's Jumping On the Bed" rhyme too.
He's a little handful of course, he's two and a little boy through and through- but we love him oh so much. I know I say that all the time, but for reals... he makes me so happy. He's got such a great sense of humor. He already knows how to pick on his mama, he loves his doggy, and his daddy, he loves to be outside,He loves to read books (and some times tears them up...ugh...) and he's very sensitive. If he does something wrong to someone else and he's told to say sorry- he has to cry too because he feels so bad. He loves his family, and our friend family. When we drive around curves or corners he'll say "Whooooaaaaa!" with me! He loves his little tent we bought him. He loves to take our throw pillows in there, of which are apparently his because he always says "mine" to them.
I'm so tired right now, that's all I remember and I'll probably need to add to things as we go along. I just can't remember everything and I surely can't forever- so here's my future memory saver!

SLACKER!!!!

I realize I've been a complete bum about writing lately. It seems like I just can't keep up. I'd like to say there's not much going on, but it's quite the opposite. We've taken on a lot of "projects" and have a lot of things to attend to, places to go... that kind of thing.
So with that being said- I hope to cover some of the goings on that I've missed blogging about, but I plan to do them in individual blog posts. I might back date them as well. Here we go!

Look WHO's Expecting!

Ashley, Jaclyn Schaer and I did a Owl-themed baby shower for our lovely friend Hillary this weekend. I hosted it at the house and took care of most of the food, because let's face it- I'm not good at games or other real creative things like that. I got the pictures and food, but that's about it for me. We had a wonderful turn out and we were so happy to be able to do it for Hillary, because we kind of like her a little and are SUPER excited to see this little guy she and Mark are bringing in to the world. She lets me hold and feel her tummy a lot, kind of not by choice! I just love feeling that little person moving around in there and trying to figure out what he's doing and I enjoy talking to him too. It reminds me of one of the only parts of pregnancy I liked! Here are some photos of the joyous occasion. (Although I'm bummed because we didn't get ANY of me, Hillary, Jaclyn and Ashley together!)

Can I get a Woot-woot for Post #400??!!!!

I need to catch up a little bit. We have been so busy lately and will continue to be for a few more weeks. I guess it's good... just sometimes overwhelming when my house gets neglected and dust accumulates and the bathroom fairy has quit because he just can't get through the grime.And things stop putting themselves away, like laundry and mail that needs to be filed... ugh... okay enough of that silly talk.

The weekend after we got back from Utah, we had already planned to go back to the cabin with our buds. It was welcomed and we were excited about it. Nothing out of the ordinary. We just left after work Friday and came home Sunday afternoon. We got out a lot more this time because the weather was really nice. We went down to the "Hooch" a lot and in the field and on Saturday night after grilling out on the deck, had a campfire and made S'Mores. That was Ben's official first campfire, believe it or not. He was very cautious and did great. Mommy (that's me) wasn't feeling so hot pretty much the whole trip so I didn't last too long down there. But it was SO fun and I love doing stuff like that and miss doing it as often as I used to.
The next weekend we enjoyed Easter with Ryan's family. The kids hunted for Eggs filled with candy and $$$$ and Ben won the Grand Prize of $5! It's already in his piggy bank!

The Smith's

Happy Anniversary (March 24th)

Because of everything that happened, we didn't get home from UT until the morning of our anniversary and probably would've forgotten all about it except for the fact that my parents gave us a card before we left that Monday after the funeral. This year we decided to forfeit celebration but I still wanted to mention, HAPPY 3rd ANNIVERSARY! Three years ago on March 24th, my sweetheart and I were married.

In a separate post I wanted to note some of the things we go to do, and kind of talk about the trip out and the driving and stuff. The good parts of being able to go see the family.
Driving out was pretty rough, I'll admit it. I mean, the whole purpose of getting there wasn't exactly the greatest one in the world. But the first night we stayed in a pretty ghetto Motel 6 in
West Memphis, AR that stunk and was just kind of scary. Ryan wanted to keep going but both Ben and I were pretty worn out. Ben was sleeping mostly in the car, but was still restless and needed a stretch. After a short 4 hour rest, we got back up and headed out on the road. Arkansas . Oklahoma. During our drive that day we luckily found the most wonderful rest stop in TX... some where in Texas, not sure where. Somewhere in the desert near Amarillo. It had a wonderful playground for Ben, which was seriously a God-sent because he REALLY REALLY needed to get out and PLAY. Not just walk, but play.
We made it to the border of New Mexico and decided to see if we could snooze off our sleepiness at the Welcome Center for an hour or so. We did, and it wasn't enough. We managed to make it to Santa Rosa, NM that night and stayed in another Motel 6 there. This one wasn't as bad thank goodness. The next day we traveled more of course, this time we were bound and determined to make it to UT... we had to, it was Friday by then. Poor Ben was just about done with us and being cooped up in his seat. So we tried to do a lot to entertain him. We had a screaming contest...

We watched Sesame Street on Ryan's iPhone, made a mess with apple sauce, slept some, sang, read books, played with toys, ate whatever we could find... got out when we could. Like in the middle of the desert of Eastern Arizona at the Geronimo tourist shop near the petrified forest. We got to make a stop in my hometown of Flagstaff for a quick bite to eat and pretty much after that it was TERRIBLE. The last 4 hours were SO hard for all of us. Ben was done, and Ryan and I had pretty much gone loony at this point! We tried to laugh a lot, but Ryan kept repeating in all seriousness "I'm so driving home alone and we're finding a way to pay for you and Ben to fly back home"! Ha! Yeah right! We finally made it to St. George that night around 6pm. We visited with cousins and family and saw my parents and talked a little.

After the funeral we spent some time with Andrea Green and Ryan A. and my family again. We went to the park with the kids. Greg unfortunately couldn't make it to the cemetery that afternoon because he had to go to the ER and so we watched their girls. Here are some pictures of the day.
The kids playing at the park.
This is the view from where Shauna is buried. So pretty and peaceful.Ben with his cousin.

And here are all the grandkids on my side of the family.

Sunday was my mom's 73rd birthday. So we spent some time with her, went to the grave again, and had dinner at John and Clau's house. Here is my beautiful sis and the horses next to Shauna's grave. It's kind of ironic, my oldest brother Brian passed away when he was a baby and the buried him on my dad's birthday, they buried Shauna the day before my mom's.
Monday we headed home. Only this time, because of the generosity of my parents and Andrea we were able to purchase ourselves and mostly Ben a PORTABLE DVD PLAYER. Holy Hannah that made SUCH a difference on the way home! There were moments of boredom still. Like the moment Ben decided to give himself a spit bath. It was pretty nasty, but really funny too. That kid, has got a personality. Let's count how many times he says "Momma!" to me while I'm looking at him! HA! On the way home, we stopped again in NM for one night, then drove until we got home... so.... another 23 HOURS AFTER THAT. OH MY GOSH. We left Monday morning and pulled in to our driveway at 6:30am Wednesday morning. We slept for a bit and then Ryan had to go to work at around 11am that day. Poor guy. That was SO extremely exhausting... and quite frankly we'd completely forgotten about the state of Mississippi... stupid Mississippi adding another 2-3 hours on our drive... But we were safe. Ben slept ALL night long and we made it home. And came home to a beautifully clean home thanks to our lovely friend Ashley, it was truly a blessing!
Let's not forget the bathroom stall in a bathroom in NM almost literally falling apart and almost falling on me. The maintenance guy standing there looking as me and another patron HELD IT UP and him saying "where'da bolts go?" after waiting as patiently as I could in like 30seconds I said "Uh... I need to go! Can one of you please take this from me???" HELLO??? It was pretty funny though. How about Ben randomly throwing up in Arkansas on the way home, eck... strawberry yogurt too. How about the green Hot Fudge Sundae at the McDonald's in Shamrock, TX. How about the HUGE rock that hit the windshield while I was driving and only nicking it thank goodness. A big shout out to Red Box DVD rentals- WOOT! Before we left, we went with my dad to go get a rock from the mountain across the road from my parents house and then drove it across the country. It's in the front yard sitting next to the "Ben Tree"! We call it the "Shauna Rock". I am SO glad we got to go. It was a HARD, LONG drive but so worth it. The Lord truly watched over us on so many levels and I am so grateful for that, my family, and my husband who was so supportive and loving during that tough time.

So, I've been struggling a little with the topic of this post. I wasn't sure how I wanted to write it or handle it really. In full detail or just some memories, so maybe I'll do a little of both. And well, it's still hard to talk about it so I kind of dread replaying it. Basically, words can't really describe how I feel or what I remember, but I guess this will have to do.

Two weeks ago, March 17th to be exact, I had to run to the post office during my lunch break so I took off. I went to lunch a little later than usual and at a kind of weird time. I had eaten while I was working before I left, kind of made sure that I was done with most of the stuff in my inboxes... I left at 12:50 and even noted that it was a strange time. On the way called Ryan and then as I was arriving and pulling in to a parking spot my mom clicked through on the other line. I hung up with Ryan and answered her call. She told me the most devastating news I've ever heard in my life up to this point, my oldest sister Shauna who had been staying with them, had passed away that morning. I don't think I've ever cried so hard in my life. She asked me to call my other sister Delinda to tell her... news she didn't want to ever have to hear either. The next two hours were the hardest thing ever. I sat in the parking lot of that shopping center sobbing and almost hyperventilating, watching the rain come down, most of the time in complete denial. I prayed and cried and prayed and called my family and Ryan... cried... for 2 hours, until I could get control of myself enough to drive home. Obviously work was okay with this. In fact, they were very kind and offered to come get me and take me home. But I made it. Ryan got home as fast as he could but in the meantime, because even bereavement tickets to fly there were outrageously expensive- we decided to leave for St. George in the car that night...over 2,000 miles away. I got the oil changed, picked Ben up from daycare, we packed and left at 7pm on Wednesday night. The drive was hard, and long and the anticipation was heavy. We even got pulled over once in Texas, but the cop let us go because we told him we were trying to get to UT for my sister's funeral. We were grateful for great rest areas, Ryan's Sesame Street podcasts and the WalMart in Page, AZ that carried us through the next few hours. Over all Ben was really good for us, it was definitely hard on him. But I kept a picture of Shauna and Ben on my phone that helped me stay focused and motivated to get there. We arrived in St. George Friday evening. The funeral was the next day. The reason why I mentioned the first part about my lunch and all that was because there seemed to be a lot of little but important "miracles" during those few days. I felt like I was blessed to have eaten already, because if I hadn't the shock might've been too much to bare on an empty stomach. I feel like the timing of the call from my mom and me already parked was a blessing because I don't think I could've continued to drive. And, most of my work was completed so there wasn't anything pressing I had to leave behind for my coworker who covers for me to do. We felt the warmth of the prayers said on our behalf as we drove that VERY LONG distance in such a short time. Ryan was my ROCK. He kept me calm, he loved me, he let me cry, he took good care of Ben when my mind couldn't handle another thing, he insisted that we ALL go to UT and not just me because he wanted to be with me because he knew I needed him and that my family needed OUR family to be there. He took care of my parents, he helped where he could... he played with the kids and kept them all happy. He lightened the situation up when appropriate and kept me from getting too "down". He was amazing and I love him so much for that. I feel like the level of our relationship was brought to a whole other level during that time. I am so grateful for him.

Saturday morning was the viewing, then the funeral and then the graveside dedication... keep in mind I've only been to ONE other funeral for my grandma. So... this whole death thing is VERY difficult for me still. Seeing her there was... awful, I guess. Not where I'd want to see any of my family. I said my goodbye's to her. Touched her hair, told her "I love you Nah-nah" and cried a lot. We had a neat family moment where we all stood around her casket. Watching them close it I think brought some closure for me, and I think everyone else. I have never seen my brothers and sister and parents cry so much and so hard. But we got to do it together.
The bishop of my parents ward conducted everything. Delinda did the Eulogy for Shauna, and it was just right. My brother Greg was still pretty ill, so couldn't get up with us to speak about Shauna when John, Delinda and I talked about some of our favorite memories of her. Her partner Randi gave us some things to speak about too, some of the favorite things about her. Like when they'd walk home from the store or somewhere, if she found a dead bird she'd take it home and bury it in their yard and give it it's last rights! She loved animals and all living things. Anyway... I don't want to ramble on too much. But the day was beautiful and everything turned out great. The biggest miracle of all was that the funeral was completely paid for by many different donors and other funds that randomly would pop up... we were all so concerned because none of us had the money to pay for a $7,000 funeral. But the Lord provided and everything went according to plan. At the graveside dedication, my dad dedicated the grave and while he and all of the pall bearers stood there, a white horse from the neighboring farm came and stood almost like he was listening to what was going on. We all thought it was a special moment, Shauna loved animals and it just felt right that he was there. I will forever think of Shauna now when I see a white horse.

We enjoyed the time with my family. All the grand-kids were together which was neat. And we got to see parts of the country that were pretty cool AND pretty boring too. We were lucky we even got to go to UT because we were thinking we might not be able to this year. We got to see my BFF Andrea and her boyfriend Ryan, they came down especially to see us and pay their condolences. I just love her to pieces and am so grateful for our friendship. I got to see a few of my cousins who came that I haven't seen in years and probably wouldn't get to see for a while more; Melanie, Jillean and her family, Mark and his family, Lynette, and Uncle Doug & Aunt Karen, and Aunt Mary and Uncle Dave.

There were so many wonderful things that happened while we were there for that short time. But I don't know if I can remember all of them. I do feel like this tragedy has brought us all closer together. It's also made me even more aware of how important family is to me and how often I take my loved ones for granted. I will miss Shauna SO much. There are moments when I forget she's gone... and then I remember and it's hard. I will miss her saying to me "hi my little one". She always called me that. She was a wonderful woman with a big heart. She took such good care of people, especially those who didn't fit in or maybe had special disabilities. She in the last few years took such good care of parents, and I know they will miss her companionship and help so much. They already miss her daily phone calls to check up on them. Yes, Shauna had a lot of problems throughout life... but I will miss my big sister and only hope and imagine she is SO much happier in heaven and is at peace with herself and truly knows now just how much we all love her and miss her.

Some things I wanted to note for journal purposes, Shauna was the first of the Collier cousins to pass away (in adulthood). And also, unfortunately, our cousin Geoffrey Taylor in South Africa passed away the same day as Shauna due to complications of Leukemia. Our hearts and prayers go to our family there, and we only hope that Geoff and Shauna have been able to meet each other in the life hereafter!

It's the 31st Anniversary of my birth.

Wow. It feels like we've been in a whirlwind the last few weeks. I can barely remember what went on the past 2 weekends. We'll skip last Friday because lets face it, I really don't remember that. Last Saturday Ryan went and played Ultimate Frisbee and me and Ben went on a play-date with his buds from the old daycare. We met at a park, it was quite chilly... but that didn't stop them from having a good time. We had a little bit of lunch and a small cupcake and they were off!
Sunday we celebrated Ben's birthday with our friends & Nana and Poppy and we had fun. Me, Ashley and Ryan made Elmo cupcakes for Ben since he loves him so much. We didn't ask for gifts so he just played with the two other little girls that came and pigged out on a cupcake and then was wired for a couple more hours that night! I guess that's from not having treats very often!Monday & Tuesday were both spent with a very good friends of mine, Heath Charter and his wife Emily and their 3 little ones. They needed to get away from the chill in Virginia and decided to come to GA and it was SOOOOOOOO fun to see them! I don't think we've seen each since they got married, which I guess was right around 6-7 year ago. We even lost touch for a little while, and just about a year ago were able to find each other through Facebook and reacquaint ourselves with them. Me and Ben took a half day from work and school Monday and went to the zoo with the Charters (weather was PERFECT!), this was Ben's first time back to the zoo since we went last February when he wasn't quite a year- so the concept of animals as living things now is totally different to him. He knows the names of a lot of the animals, so to actually see one in person in real life was I think a strange event for him. The elephants scared the crap out of him, including the teeny...tiny... statue of one I wanted to take a picture of him by did. BUT he still talked a lot about it after we left them! He saw the Pandas, the Komodo Dragon, lots of snakes and turtles, an Orangutan, kangaroos, sheep (at the petting zoo that he wouldn't DARE get near) and played a lot on the playground. He went down the twisty slide A LOT!!That night we got Ryan and met up with them at their hotel pool and Ryan and Ben went swimming (Indoor pool). Ben had a blast. He was even brave enough to jump off the side to daddy! He kept calling it a bath! Tuesday they came for dinner and we did a little shopping (!) and then they were off. It was so fun to spend time with them and we hope we can do it soon. Hopefully we can make a trip up their way soon!I feel like we had other stuff going on the rest of the week... just us being busy I guess and then this weekend (last night) we dropped Ben off and Nana & Poppy's for the night (the whole night!) and went to the Vortex for burgers with the Terry's, the Burkes, Geoff, Brandy, Clint and Jake. (Somehow I'm missing Jacob in this collage...) Afterward some of us went to see Alice in Wonderland in 3D. It was SOOOO good... but I've always had a secret love for that story and movie. I've always loved it... so I really enjoyed this one too. I hope they make another. Or... maybe not. Hmmm, something to think about. Anyway we got home pretty late went to sleep and slept in this morning and then went and got Ben. Then my dear lovely Ashley made me (and the rest of us) dinner and a birthday cake and everything was SO delicious! I am very grateful to her for that. This week she and I are going to see John Mayer in concert, scored free tickets from work again! YIPPEE! Hopefully things will settle down a bit, but March always tends to be a little maniacal.
Both my mom and my brother Greg had surgery this past Friday. Both seem to be doing fine. My brother Greg especially is adjusting to the change, I'll have to get permission first before I write a post about it- but I really want to, because it's been quite an upset for our family. My cousin in South Africa is quite ill, Ryan's sister Kelly is also having surgery this next week... we just feel very weighed down with stress and worry about our loved ones and their health. We have been praying fervently and appreciate any additional prayers on their behalf.
We are still in the midst of getting Ben's social security theft all figured out... haven't really heard much from ANYONE, I guess that's what happens. I had a Scentsy party at Ashley's house yesterday and did REALLY well thank goodness. (Another thing to add to the list of what we've been up to...) Anyway, I'd better get to bed. It's now WAY past my bedtime, stupid Daylight Savings... but Spring is just around the corner. Trees are starting to bloom and the earth is coming to life again! YAY!

I am a mother of a 2 year old.

It's Ben's birthday!!!! Happy Birthday my little dude! I wanted to remember what we did on your actual birthday since the celebration festivities wont be until the weekend. Let's see... today so far we woke up late. Mommy took the day off and stayed home with you, and Daddy called and woke Mommy up thank goodness, because you didn't make a peep! You had a waffle and some yogurt and watched Sesame Street on Mommy's bed while she got ready to go out for the day. Then after that we got your dressed in your handsome button-up shirt Uncle Clint got you for your birthday LAST YEAR (hee, hee) and jeans and cool shoes. It snowed yesterday, so it's COLD outside. We put your jacket on and then we drove to the Police Station in Roswell, where we filed a police report because some mean and dishonest person took your Social Security number and used it fraudulently. The police men that helped us were VERY nice, told you "Happy Birthday stud" and gave you high 5's! You saw a lot "fodder" (your word for fire, which any vehicle with lights on it is a fodder) or Police Cars while we were there and pointed them all out to momma. THEN we drove to the KinderCare where you used to stay during the day for about a year and a half while mommy worked. You were a little bit cautious of it there, you knew you recognized it but weren't sure why. Miss Shemia, the center director, held you for a little while and took you to one of your old teachers, but for some reason that really upset you and you began to cry and wanted to come back to momma. We saw some more of your old teachers and friends and the fish in the fish tank and then left and went to Mommy's work to say hi. Mommy's coworker Janice really wanted to see you, so we stopped in for just about 5 mins. Everyone told you how handsome you were and told you Happy Birthday and asked how old you are... you're one popular dude! You were VERY shy with some people, but very friendly with others. Your cheeks were bright red and you were starting to get pretty worn out from all that socializing! After we left there, you and Mommy went to head home and you put your hood on from your jacket and then you fell asleep in the car. It's nap time now...You're asleep on your tummy in the crib. A few hours later... After your nap you woke up, and very slowly I might add. You didn't eat any lunch for some reason- well just sweet potatoes, and then we had to leave. We went to your well child check up and you've grown so much! You even got to stand on the big boy scale today! You're now in the 25th Percentile, still pretty small for your age, but you're growing up! Doctor Greenwald said you're in good shape and told mommy lots of new things that you get to do now because you're in big boy status! You had only ONE shot and you did SO good. It hurt and you cried, but you got a sticker AND a Bugs Bunny band-aid. After the doctors you and mommy went home and you ate a snack and then you and mommy hung out by the front door for a little while and took silly pictures of your tongues. Daddy came home not to soon after that! You were SO excited to see him, so was Ally! We all ate dinner together, Taco Bake, and then we did an iChat with Grandma and Grandpa in St. George, UT and even though they live all the way across the country- you got to open a gift from them!!! SO COOL! You got MORE CARS! And cool ones too! You LOVE them already. You carried them around with you for the rest of the night. Mommy and daddy gave you a couple presents too, and because mommy was ill-prepared your gifts were wrapped in wedding wrapping paper, but you didn't care! Hey, at least they were wrapped kid! Daddy got you a tractor and mommy got you Elmo in Grouchland! You and daddy watched a little of it before bath time. Daddy gave you a bath and then we got you ready for bed. Man, you were POOPED by then- you basically put all of your new toys away and walked to your crib and started to climb in to go to sleep. Before you did that though we called and left a message for Aunt Clau who has the same birthday as you and sang to her! After prayers you fell fast asleep and quickly. What a fun and BUSY day! Your birthday celebrations this weekend will be lots of fun too, and the weather should be great!Here you are saying "CHEESE!" and literally cheesing it up! You're a silly monster.

Mommy and Daddy LOVE you Doodlebug. You are our sunshine in life. Never stop smiling and spreading love and happiness to those around you. I will miss your baby years, but look forward to seeing you grow in to a wonderful strong spirited boy that will become an incredible man one day.
Love- Momma and Daddy

Don't Forget to Lick the Spoon!

Check out Ashley and my new Recipe/Foodie Blog called "Don't Forget to Lick the Spoon"! This is going to be fun! There's only one post, but we'll be loading it up soon I'm sure! (There's a link to the left also for you to check back frequently, or become a follower!)